Does "That" Girl Ever Go Away.....

I am not writing this to be discouraging or as a way to elicit compliments.  I am writing this to let everyone know that regardless of where you are on your weight loss journey, we all struggle.  This isn't about struggling with food... or with lacking motivation to work out.  This struggle is about being nice to myself.

I have lost 37.5 pounds since last year.  I wish I wouldn't know to the 1/2 pound what the number is... but the fact is, I obsess over it.  I weigh myself upon waking, after peeing, after working out, in the middle of the night after peeing, after taking a poo (yes, it's my blog--it was inevitable that poo will come into play)  I try hard to not care.  I try hard to focus on the non-scale victories, but truth is, being overweight most of your life makes the scale VERY important.

I should be delighted.  My original goal was 150 pounds.  I currently weight 138.5 pounds (as of this morning at 5:44 am)  I have a hard time looking at "current" body photos and not being upset about what I see.  I only see progress when I compare it with my pictures from last March.  When does this go away?

I scrutinize every part.  My saggy belly... my stretch marks... the cellulite on my thighs... throw a bathing suit into that mix and I could just cry and eat an entire 9x13 pan of dark chocolate brownies (I may or may not have recently done this).

I read these sweet articles about remembering that your belly held and grew a baby.  I try to see Kara in those purplish-red marks that turn white when I get a tan... but the truth is... I want them gone.

So I guess my message is... don't look at someone and think that they have it all together.  I wish I did.  I am learning to take compliments more without turning around and criticizing myself.  I am learning to accept that the girl I used to be isn't who I am now... that I am in charge of how I talk to myself and about myself.  Hang in there... give yourself a little credit.... and little more love.